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Iceberg Session; Exploring Friendship

I arrived at the sauna feeling nervous to host my first Iceberg Session. After settling into the warm lighting of the geodesic dome with a brisk winter breeze at my neck, I stood up to welcome the seven other men who would join me this evening.

We stepped into the hot room and as each man found a seat on the bench, there was a nervous energy in the air. I poured steam over the wood fired rocks and the sizzling water crackled to fill the space. I invited everyone to breathe, embrace the warmth on their skin, and set an intention for why they made an appearance this evening. 

I opened the discussion describing what friendship has meant to me and how I’ve changed my approach to friendship over the last year. I’ve learned that sharing personal stories about my hopes and challenges and the feelings that came with those, and also holding space for another person’s story, were really what connected me with other people. That approach has even brought some of my longest relationships to a deeper level. Several men then followed by sharing their own life experience around friendship and its presence in their lives.

The group collectively listened, supported and counseled each other through the session. Everyone felt some level of being seen for their own struggles and really felt that we were not alone. It became evident that the experiences we feel were not about “just me” but that we all experienced the joys and challenges universally as brethren.

Between the emotional lifting, we took breathers on the deck to drink water, cool down, gaze at the stars, and enjoy some light “get to know each other” conversation.

We proceeded back in the hot room for a few more rounds and at the end of the last round, each revisited our intention and expressed gratitude for what this experience offered us.

Over the days that followed, I reflected and had a few topics really resonate with me that I decided I would be more intentional about:

  1. Be more willing to ask for someone’s number after we clicked

  2. Be more willing to hang out with and be casual with women

  3. Be more open to hanging out with people older and younger than me

I am no expert in any of the topics we will discuss at Iceberg Sessions, and I don’t think I ever will be. My intention is simply to provide a forum for men to teach each other how to live a more wholehearted life so that there is more of ourselves above the surface, than below.

If you would like to learn more about Iceberg Sessions or have a suggestion for a topic please reach out at with the subject title "Iceberg."

Sending you love, peace, and hope,


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